It’s Easter weekend and I’m reflective, thinking about how much God loves us and about how much I love my kids who struggle with RAD. One of the blessings of parenting adopted kids with RAD is that I have a little peak into what it must be like for God to love people so much, only to be rejected by many of them. I’m sure my feelings are only a fraction of what God feels, but it makes me very thankful and very sad.
The last few weeks have been traumatic once again. We’ve spent seven years doing very intensive counselling for our kids with the best RAD counselor in the state. We’ve poured all of our emotional energy, thousands of dollars, and years of precious time into parenting and our kids who are still wounded, still struggling, still lying. This time the lying is about us abusing them, very detailed, horrific lies to further push us away because they fear attachment and closeness. So we grieve through Child Protective Service interviews and visits from the Sheriff, one in the middle of the night. They come looking for physical bruises that aren’t there. But the bruises and wounds they don’t see are the ones on my heart and my husband’s heart.
How can a child reject the love and help he so desperately needs? How can she turn her back on us and accuse us of atrocities? God must be asking the same thing. How can we reject His love and His help that we so desperately need? How can we turn our back on our Creator who loved us before we were ever born? I want so desperately for my children to love me in return and want to be close to me. God wants so desperately for us to love Him and want to be close to Him. My heart weeps. His heart weeps.
The message of Easter is a message of love. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believe in Him, will not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 His message goes out. Some will accept it and live a life of gratitude. Some will reject it and walk away. God doesn’t stop loving us when we ignore Him or reject Him. I don’t stop loving my kids when they ignore me or reject me. But both of our hearts are grieving. Great love but great pain…..